Answer:
I think instead of writing which may lead so many times, try switching it up to another phrase, like this may cause, etc.
Also instead of The evidence also shows, you can write a transition word like additionally,
Overall, I think this is a good essay, I would get rid of the repeating words/phrases and add in more transition words, but that's really it
Explanation:
Can I have brainliest? It would help me out, if not thanks anyways! Hope this helped and have a nice day!
